How to Be an Effective Advocate for Aging Parents

5 skills that will help you care for the ones you love

As family caregivers, we play many roles: scheduler, money manager, house cleaner, health aide, nurse, navigator, nurturer and more. Perhaps the most important role, though, is advocate, as we ensure the best life possible for our loved ones when they are vulnerable.

That includes understanding their wishes for care and quality of life, and making sure those wishes are respected. It means helping them manage financial and legal matters. And it means making sure they receive appropriate services and treatments, of the highest quality, when they need them. We are their voices when they are unable to advocate for themselves.

If the thought of being an advocate for others seems overwhelming, relax. You probably already have the skills to be effective; you just need to develop and apply them in new ways. Here are the five attributes I think are most important.

1. Powers of Observation

Caregivers are often too busy or exhausted to notice small changes, but the slightest shift in our loved ones’ abilities, health, moods, safety needs or desires may indicate a much larger medical or mental health issue. Catching those changes early can make all the difference in alleviating the problem. Equally crucial is keeping a close eye on the services they are receiving and adjusting any subpar care. The COVID-19 pandemic has hindered this kind of observation, preventing many caregivers from accompanying loved ones to the hospital or visiting them at home or in a long-term care facility.

2. Organizational Skills

It can be tough to stay on top of a caregiving plan, with its many moving parts. As an advocate, you’ll need to manage your loved one’s caregiving team, make task lists and organize the mounds of paperwork associated with health, legal and financial matters. You’ll want to make sure you can easily access all legal documents (such as powers of attorney for finances and health care) when you need them.

3. Communicational Skills

This is key for building relationships with those who help care for our loved ones, from family members to lawyers, doctors and more. We may not be experts on medical, legal or financial matters, which can make some discussions tough. Caregiving can be an emotional roller coaster, which can also complicate communication.

4. Asking Questions

Dad, a former professor, used to have a sign in his office that read, “Question everything.” As I advocated for him for 12 years while he lived with Alzheimer’s, I often thought of that message. My family’s doctors and service providers could attest that I ask plenty of questions! As a caregiver, it’s part of your job to gather information — don’t be shy about it. It never hurts to ask, and many times you’ll miss something if you don’t.

5. Tenacity

Someone once said my role when caring for my parents was “chief bulldog.” I guess that’s true. As their advocate, I had their best interests at heart and I took that job seriously. Facing a fragmented and frustrating health care system and trying to do more with less money can be discouraging. I did my best, and I never gave up until I found the best possible solution.

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References:

Goyer Amy, AARP 2020, accessed 22 December 2020, < https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/basics/info-2020/advocate-for-aging-parents.html >

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